Archive | January 2013

Are you using your addiction to escape your calling?

When I woke up on January 1st, I started to wonder what 2013 was going to look like! Then, out of the clear blue, the Lord gave me this scripture:beautiful-dust-girl-Favim_com-284702

This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

I love it when I see God doing new things . . . in me, in my daughter, in my friends, in my relationships, in my life, in my job, etc., etc.

I just finished listening to the song “BEAUTIFUL THINGS” by Gungor. It’s a masterpiece! Many times I’ve looked back at my life and have often wondered how God pulled me through.

I grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional, angry, controlling, manipulative and bitter household. I never heard “I love you” growing up. I was one of 7 children and felt I was unwanted, tolerated and, what’s worse, I felt “all alone in the crowd”! I was married to a man with an addictive personality who did many dishonorable things. Question is: How does God make that look beautiful?

Having had my own addictions with food and weight gain/loss and having been married for 20 years to a man with an addictive personality, here is what God just now impressed upon my heart.

The song BEAUTGungor - Beautiful Things CoverIFUL THINGS is about the difference between the addict and the artist. They are basically inverses of each other. The addict hides from the pain of life; the artist uses the pain of life to make something beautiful.

It’s such a wonderful distinction . . . the addict vs. the artist. All of us have a God-sized hole inside of us. It’s what we choose to do with that God-sized hole that counts.

I used to fill my “hole” with emotional eating, but lately (over the last two years), I’ve been able to fill it up with something else.

It’s interesting how life works. One of my intentions, as it is in January each year, is to conquer the mountain of fitness . . . again. In doing so I hired a personal trainer to work out with me three times every week. Month 1 has been paid for! Instead of saying I’ll just go to the gym and then finding an excuse not to go, my trainer helps keep me accountable . . . not only for my fitness, but my eating, as well! It’s already started to work wonders!

I feel SO focused. And I feel amazing. That “good feeling” I have been chasing for so long with emotional eating, sugar and salt has gone away and I feel it naturally. I’ve come to the conclusion that no amount of willpower can overcome my addictions. I need help!

All my life I tried to fix the problems that I had growing up with will power. I tried to do it on my own without having a role model to follow. No wonder it had never worked before. There I was beating myself up, thinking that people like me can’t lose weight, I’m a bad person for having little or no willpower, and hating myself for not being able to stop the roller coaster of emotional overeating. When I turned to “comfort food”, all I was doing was self-medicating to get a temporary high to fill-up whatever emotion I was either struggling with or trying to fill!

Scripture tell us to “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5

We are all body-mind-soul people. I was already spending a lot of time with God in prayer (focusing on my soul and mind), but the body was lacking . . . hence, hiring the personal trainer!

And it makes sense because up until now I had not put my attention of intention to this part of my life. It was an “AH-HA” moment and my former addictive behavior came into light.

It was a breakthrough. This awareness allowed me to have more compassion for myself. Why? Because before, I applied a MEANING to my addictive behavior (I was “a weak person” or I was “wrong” or “incapable”). But now I see I was simply yearning for The Divine, yearning for self-acceptance, yearning for relationship, yearning to be of service and yearning for a balanced biochemistry!

In the midst of getting my mind, body and soul in alignment with God, I hear Him calling me to spend time with Him! Why? Because He continues to fill me to make my life beautiful! When I hear Him calling me, I stand with my arms raised and even dance before an audience of One! He fills my soul and gives me an awareness of what He has in store for me. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

I yearn for so many things in my life . . . What do you yearn for? Where do you want to turn?

Are you struggling with an addiction of any kind? Ask yourself this question: Do you want to continue to hide from the pain of life, or are you ready to be the artist and allow God to use the pain in your life to make something beautiful?

I’d love to hear back from you!